Light (2/10/2013)

Sometimes you want someone badly. Even if you know there’s no way you could ever have them, because they’re everything you ever wanted, but you have nothing to offer them in return. Same subject as Episode V.

I can’t wait to see you again.

Heart beats fast even though it’s inevitable – you’ll never know.
I’ve been there, done that, I’m over it.

I cling to secret pleasures of our conversations and the thought of your smile
Your inherent niceness, your interest in my passions and the light in your eyes
The memories anchor themselves in my grey matter. I’m not stupid
But I pale in comparison to your brilliance:
My light’s gone out.

Desperately holding on to the edge, fingernails near torn in half
You’re a star that’s moving further away, but I’m still blinded by you
And I just want to seize your light. Just one bit, for me.

“Just reach out and grab it!” she says.
Oh God, I can’t, I’ll get burnt, or I’ll trip and fall –
“It’s not that difficult.” She’s got her star already.
They’re burning bright with each other’s light.

I dream of pressing my lips to your rays of white
But my mouth passes straight through them.
I get down on my hands and knees and pray
“Father, a star, please, I want this one.”
It’s too big, too bright, too perfect, there is no way I could keep it
How could I care for it? Make it happy?
It’s too much for me. Too much goodness in that light
And I look sallow in the glare.

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