Are there people? (12/10/13)

Possible trigger warning for sexual assault. Something jerked my memory recently, and this is how I cope.

Are there people in the world who don’t feel what I feel
Whose hearts don’t pound in fear
When they walk past a dark-haired boy
Who looks a little like the one who wouldn’t stop?

Are there people who wouldn’t freeze
And let his hands go where they shouldn’t?
Are there people who’d just block out
The filth that came pouring from his lips?

Are there people who wouldn’t cry out
And scratch their nails across his mouth?
Are there people who wouldn’t fumble with their belts
Try and yank their jeans up but their hands shake?

Are there people out there who don’t cry
Because he got too far inside?
Are there people who wouldn’t run
And trip and fall and bleed, undone?

Are there people who wouldn’t hide
And bottle it all up inside?
Are there people who lock the memories away
And never let them out again?

Are there?

Dear God (12/10/13)

Dear God

Did You do this? Are You playing games with me?

Dear God

Why can’t I breathe when I look at him?

Dear God

Stop it, it’s cruel.

Dear God

I’m sorry. It’s obviously me. I made a mistake. I’m sorry.

Dear God

I think I’m drowning.

Dear God

Please help me get through this.

Dear God

Save me.

Dear God

I think I’ve screwed it up.

Dear God

Give me a sign?

Dear God

Why would You put someone amazing in front of me, someone that I’m not allowed to touch?

Dear God

Why couldn’t You have made me amazing?

Dear God

Please.

Dear God

I’m begging You.

Dear God

I’m so scared.

Dear God

He’s everything. I’m a guitar that no-one will play.

Dear God

I want him to strum away.

Dear God

This is an imbalanced scale, and it tipped long before it should. Put us right.

Dear God

This isn’t fair. What did I do?

Dear God

Am I getting through to You?