I end up spinning in my room
Hoping you don’t think of me.
If you cast a thought my way
Then let it be chased far from your brain.
I don’t think about you much.
Sometimes in lucid dreaming
Or waiting at the high street corner
You slip between the walls of my mind.
I ache to tell you that I’m mended now.
Is it selfish to be happy
When that happiness is because
You are no longer my favourite muse?
I cast a magnifying glass over the ugliness
Smeared your beauty from my thoughts.
Played all the songs you never knew
And ran far, so far, away from you.
I have always cut ex-crushes and ex-boyfriends out of my life, due to either anger towards them or embarrassment on my behalf. This was always easy as they’d turn their backs on me too. The only exceptions are those who were friends I never told of my feelings, and ‘number ten’, who cares about me too much to turn his back on me, which makes it nearly impossible to turn my back on him. Not that I want to.
Number one, we were too young.
Number two, I was too young
And he was too awful.
Number three, he was my first kiss
He lived too far away.
Number four, he tried to be sweet
But he never stopped running.
Number five, he was a close friend
I was too scared to let our friendship end.
Number six, he was a summer haze
And I should have kept my mouth shut.
Number seven, he was too old
I didn’t even know his last name.
Number eight, he let me trust him
And left without telling me why
Number nine, I learnt she had a boyfriend
And I was too scared to say a word
Number ten, he wasn’t as perfect as I thought
And he cares too much for me to leave him behind.
When you broke my heart, you did it sweetly.
You reached out and took a tiny piece, barely noticeable
If not for the fact that it has been done so many times before.
They all took their tiny pieces
Because I never let them split it in half.
Chipping away like a sculpture that’s been overdone
The details are blurred and broken.
This wasn’t needed.
I wait for when the pieces will be restored.
Build me up again like a mosaic.
A jigsaw puzzle, a broken vase
That looks so much better whole.