Hi guys, sorry I haven’t posted anything in the last couple of weeks. I’ve been hard at work juggling a few things – assignments for my MA, editing my novel and of course working on the collection, which is coming together a lot faster than I expected. I’ve written a bunch of new poems but I’ve decided to keep them for the book, as I don’t want to put out a collection which is mainly made up of poems that I’ve already posted online – I want lots of new material. Still got some edits to do and a few more poems I want to write, but it’s definitely on its way, and I’m pretty happy with how it’s coming along. Still musing about a title, but as soon as I settle on one, you’ll know about it. I’m also thinking about doing some poetry readings at the open mic at the Art House in Southampton, if anyone reading this is in the area.
Watch this space for more updates! 🙂
If you’ve been following this blog at all closely (there are quite a lot of you following me, so I imagine at least some people have noticed), you’ve probably guessed that I’m going through some crap right now.
But I recently came up with an idea. And my aim for this year is to publish a poetry collection. It’ll most likely be self-published/funded but I have a really solid idea in my head for it and I’m excited about it. I’ve been mulling over self-publishing poetry for a while but this is the first time I have a firm idea and theme. I even know how I want to organise it.
Some poems in the collection will be taken from this blog (most likely reworked for publication) and it will also contain a lot more original content that won’t appear here. I’ll post updates about how it’s going under the tag ‘poetry collection’, but I’d like to have it ready in the first half of this year. I want to make it easily available, so I’ll most likely be going for both eBook and print copies. I also want to make it as affordable as possible, so I’ll be doing more research into pricing. And I’ll have a link to it up on this blog as soon as it’s ready. I’m also thinking about a free PDF sampler, but I’ll have a think about that.
Every time I want to scream or cry or rage I will pour it all into this. I am part of the way there already. I have a theme. I have over twenty poems almost ready to go. I need more but I can write more. I have a whole list of ideas. I can turn that thing he never cared about into my own achievement. I’ll do it. I don’t want to make a quick buck from it, I don’t care if no-one wants a copy, I’m going to make it for myself. Something good that came out of all this, something I can hold in my hands, something I can point to as a good thing that would never have happened if not for that pain. I can write about the joy and the anxiety and the laughter and the heartbreak. I can write. That’s all I can do now. And it’s all I will do. Say nothing, but write everything. I have a title, and a plan. It’s going to work. I’m excited. This is the most optimistic I’ve felt in a month.
Another old poem I found on my phone that I wrote in summer 2015. I tried my hand at a sonnet this time. Not exactly Shakespeare but I still quite like it, even if it hurts to read it again now.
You are the crescendo of a love song:
I am drowned in your perfect melody.
I thought I’d never love and I was wrong
You awoke a fevered passion in me.
I keep the memories of darkened nights,
Kisses so easily taken from you
And sleeping cities with the brightest lights
And your hand in mine, we, the special two.
My mind rests in sweet silence with your touch
My fingers, your spine, my hair and your eyes
I didn’t know that I could feel this much
I was always dark, hoping for sunrise.
And you have brought the birdsong with the dawn
And all the fears I had for us are gone.
I bury the pain in soil
Crush it beneath dirt and damp
But it comes back, screaming
I AM NOT ENOUGH
It grew roots when it was down there
Thick like fingers, gripping me tight
And I got pulled into the dirt
While the petals wrapped me
And the thorns spiked me
And all the while it screeched
I AM NOT ENOUGH
I AM NOT ENOUGH
It howls into my scratched ear
I AM NOT ENOUGH FOR LOVE
I AM NOT ENOUGH FOR HIM TO MISS
I AM NOT ENOUGH FOR HIM TO REGRET
I AM NOT ENOUGH FOR HIM TO COME BACK
BUT I AM ENOUGH FOR ISOLATION.
I AM TOO MUCH OF WHAT HE DOESN’T NEED
I AM TOO MUCH OF WHAT HE DOESN’T WANT
I AM TOO MUCH OF WHAT SHOULD BE GONE
I AM TOO MUCH OF EVERYTHING THAT I SHOULDN’T BE
Strangle me to death in your roots
Because it would hurt less than these truths.